is your mom at the bar?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
