but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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