hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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