I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
