Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
