I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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