I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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