Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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