i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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