he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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