The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.