her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.