Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water