If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
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Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
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I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???