Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.