okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
