hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
