whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?