I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis