Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after