i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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