tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
