I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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