you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The feeling are messing with the penis
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
