so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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