I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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