I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
True strength comes from lack of pants
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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