Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
