She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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