why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
