Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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