What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
