I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
