my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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