I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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