Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
