it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Someone signed my nipple.
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