New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
