She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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