was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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