You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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