I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
