youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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