She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
