Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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