chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
