"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
