I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize