You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
