That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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