Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
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Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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