so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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