I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She bit a glass in half.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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