Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
