wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
