You can't special order awesome
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
