Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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