Dual....:-)
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
