Only a mothe r could love this liver
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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