Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
