I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
