I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
