He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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