flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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