Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
