hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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