Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize