Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
