I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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