I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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