there's paper in my vomit.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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