obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
