from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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