the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
