the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
