dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
