what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I intend to get homeless drunk
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
