How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
